Wtf is self-care and how to do it

Something that has been popularized over the years is self-care and it’s something I talk to ALL my clients about, but like what actually is it and how do you do it? There are lots of complicated definitions out there about maintaining health, preventing disease, etc. but there is no need to complicate it. I really like to find easy, accessible solutions for my clients so I define it as just taking care of yourself. By showering, you are taking care of your physical health. By calling a friend and venting, you are taking care of your mental, emotional and social health (a triple whammy!!). 

So here are 4 examples of what I do for self-care: 

Blast music and move

This is a combination of whatever music I’m feeling in the moment and I let my body do whatever it needs to do. Sometimes I dance, sometimes I sing, sometimes I lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. I allow my body to do whatever it needs to decompress. The only requirement is that the music is so loud that I can’t hear any thoughts.

Lie down and chill

Whenever I feel like I need quiet time, I grab a drink, I lay down on the couch or in bed, grab a cozy blanket and either scroll, watch a show or listen to an audiobook. I lay there for an hour or up to 3 depending on how my body is feeling that day.

Hobbies

I love my hobbies with a burning passion. I am currently surrounded by books, beads, board games, video games, colouring pages, puzzles and even more. Yes, I have a big desk and I absolutely need to clean it. Back to the point, these things bring me joy to do, to work on and to look at. So I keep them within arms reach (or at least within visual range because my brain operates on the out of sight, out of mind principle) and reach for them often.

Brain dump, then create a to do list

If there are way too many things to do (or too many thoughts) and I feel overwhelmed, I make a list of EVERYTHING that’s stressing me out. From tasks at my job to my parents to meal prepping to the state of the world. EVERYTHING. Once my brain finally feels a little more manageable, I reflect on this list realistically. What do I have to do today? What can I do today? What would I like to do today? I focus on today and today only because that’s the day in front of me right now. The rest of that stuff will still be on the list tomorrow.

Ps. I don’t do these everyday, I am not perfect, neither are you and that’s okay! 

If you have any questions, comments or thoughts about what I have written here, I want to hear them! Email me, let’s chat! alex@charlottepidgeon.com

Written By: Alex Zebeljan

Plurisexual identity & mental health – mine & yours

Growing up in Canada, we are socialized with a discourse which privileges monosexual identities (gay or straight) over plurisexual ones (such as bisexual, bi+, pansexual, and more). This discourse can sound something like: “bisexuality isn’t real”, “it’s a steppingstone to coming out as gay”, or “it’s just something somebody says for attention”. So, folks who identify as plurisexual are tasked to accept and integrate a sexual identity that we’ve been taught to invalidate. 

I identify as pansexual, although I prefer the label “Queer”. Which I suppose is ironic, since I have struggled to feel like I have the right to take up space in Queer settings. I still wrestle with thoughts of “what if they think I’m not Queer enough?”. This fear has been especially strong since my marriage, since the lens of presumed heterosexuality frames my relationship with a cisgender heterosexual man as “straight-passing”. Using the term “partner” instead of “husband” is one of the ways I try to disequilibrate these kinds of assumptions. 

With time I have recognized these fears as the product of the biphobia and monosexism I have internalized. Anti-plurisexual discourse is designed to instill those thoughts and feelings. I read an article once that framed the question: “Am I _____ enough?” as the oppressor’s question. For me, this is a powerful reminder that these fears are not my own. When I understand them as a tool of the dominant discourse, I can decenter them and find space for more authentic ways of thinking and feeling.

I take the impact of internalized stigma seriously. The plurisexual community has higher rates of many mental illnesses than monosexual communities do. There are unique factors that contribute to this – plurisexual erasure, invalidation, invisibilization, lack of representation, and discrimination from people both outside and inside the Queer community. I understand that as a plurisexual person, sometimes it can feel like there is not place where your identity belongs. If you are feeling that way, please know: I see you. I honor your place here. You are so welcome in this space. Your experience and identity are an important part of the Queer community. Your value is not defined by the gender of your partner(s). You are not alone.

I am here to talk if you are struggling with stigma from the world around you, or from within.

Written by: Cassidy Connolly

What’s your favourite colour?

When was the last time someone asked you “what’s your favourite colour?”

I love colour - whether it’s the clothes I wear, the flowers I admire, the accents in my home or the art I create, colour is at the basis of my being. Growing up with my artist mum, colour has always been a big part of my life. The truth is, it’s a big part of all our lives, so I know I’m not alone, but based on how little we talk about it, sometimes I feel like I am. So, I can’t help but wonder why “what’s your favourite colour?” isn’t a common question for adults? Is it no longer important or valuable, now that we’ve grown out of our childlike wonder?

To me, there’s something about these childlike interests that feels especially valuable to understand. Knowing someone’s favourite colour helps me see people more clearly, as if this awareness opens up a window, displaying their truest self. It feels like an extremely vulnerable piece of information, framed as a fun, childlike conversation. I always want to know your favourite colour. I want to know what you’re attracted to, what seasons resonate with you the most, if you prefer to stare at the sunset or mountains or flower gardens or the water, if you enjoy brightness in your space, or if you prefer to surround yourself with neutral tones. I want to know if how you present yourself is different from, or the same as, what you’re drawn to. I want to know what art you would put in your home, or what colour lighting you feel most comfortable in. Why do I want to know these things? Because I want to know you - I want to feel closer to who you are and how your mind works, not just what you do for work or where you live or what you did last weekend (although these things are valuable in their own right!)

So today I’d like to share with you my favourite colour - orange. As I grow into this facet of myself, I’ve discovered what this means about me:

My favourite colour is orange. When surrounded by other warm tones, such as soft pink, yellow, beige and terra cotta, orange makes me feel safe and warm. When accompanied by pops of yellowy green and natural wood in the form of plants, furniture, art, and ceramics, orange makes me feel confident and energized. I like warm lighting to accentuate the orange, while creating a softness that allows it to fit in. I like my favourite colour to compliment the already beautiful things in my life, rather than to pop on its own. This aligns with my desire to see the full picture, rather than focus on the little things. To find the underlying message in things rather than focusing on the main event.

To me, these hues feel like a pep talk. They create a sense of comfort, allowing me to fully relax and remember my purpose. They balance out whatever emotions I’m experiencing, making those emotions feel more welcome. I want to feel like I’m drinking a tropical drink on a hot day, or drinking a warm drink on a winter day. Whatever I need physically or emotionally, orange provides. I want it to feel like I’m living in the most beautiful sunset imaginable and getting lost in the view, forgetting about everything going on around me. When I close my eyes, I find comfort in picturing these tones - it’s grounding for me. The colour orange in this context feels like a reminder of how peaceful life can be if we let it.

I encourage you to think about your favourite colours and how they make you feel. Not only is your favourite colour a reflection of who you are, which is always a valuable thing to reflect on, but it’s also an opportunity to connect with your inner child - to understand what makes them feel safe and like themselves. I encourage you to make this a topic of conversation with your loved ones - get to know them a little more, or see if you can guess their favourite colour based on what you already know about them. I encourage you to ask those you meet what colours they’re drawn to and allow this information to tell you something about them. And I encourage you to tell me your favourite colour next time we chat.

Written by: Charlotte Pidgeon